In my previous post I shared my experiences of post natal depression, I debated how comfortable I would be in being this publicly open but feel it’s part of my own personal recovery and essential that we honestly and without judgement share our experiences to help others in similar situations.
At 37 weeks pregnant and with the statistics weighing in favour of me experiencing post natal depression again I am forming my battle plan to come through this in a positive way.
1. Recognize the feelings and take action early
Firstly admitting the fact that depression may come again and facing up to how bad it was is helping remove the uncertainty of emotions- I recognize when the feelings start to creep in, when I’ve had too many down days in succession I catch the feelings early and take action. I face those emotions head on and stand up to them. I won’t be a victim and let them engulf me in helplessness. That is my plan and my hope, if it does become too much and they do swallow me I am making my support network aware of the fact I need them to come fight the battle with me.
2. Find your support network and form your tribe
Be open with those you trust and feel confident can help you, whether practically or emotionally. Let them in, tell them what you need and be very vulnerable with them to how much you need their help. It could be 1. Practical, help feed me or give me an hour alone without the baby or feeding advice for the baby from professionals 2. Emotional, a trusted shoulder to cry on or 3. Mental which may mean seeking out the advice of a professional. This time around I called the psychologist had a meeting with him pre birth so I felt comfortable that I could talk with him and we would be a good fit if I needed someone trained to talk to. Be willing to seek professional help when you need to.
3. Practice healthy habits prenatally and understand what works for you
This has been one of the most important strategies for me as I’ve felt the biggest difference in my emotional state. Around 8 months I started swimming regularly, every day at best or 5 times a week, whenever I could. I found it really helped, I’m a nervous swimmer, I don’t put my head underwater and I hate getting into a cold pool but the daily challenge of getting in and doing just one length made me feel I’d accomplished something. Often I would swim for longer, the breathing would relax me and I’d feel weightless in the water which felt wonderful. I always leave the pool feeling better than when I went in. Find something like that for you and stick with it like your life depended on it. It will be your beacon in dark times. The act of movement and accomplishing something however small will give you motivation and positivity. It’s so important to get out of the house and get moving. Also try to piggyback good habits onto each other. After swimming, I sit in the changing room and do some meditation. Yes I know it’s not the best place to do it, I feel self conscious but I know I have the time to do it there vs not doing it at all when I get home. After meditation I journal.
4. Find your output
For me meditation and journaling has really helped. I try TM meditation but I think the main benefit is just having a set amount of time to sit and quieten your mind, whichever technique you use, breathing, mindfulness, mantras or body scans just take the time to be comfortable in your body. I know this is rare with a screaming baby but I think it helps keep a clarity that is hard to find through other methods. Journaling has also helped, I keep a notebook in my bag and I just write whatever comes to mind, it’s for no one else’s eyes and I will probably never read it myself but just getting my stream of consciousness from my brain out of my body onto paper is very cathartic. I try to write at least 5 things I’m grateful for each day.
5. Pay attention to what you eat
I’ve worked with a number of health coaches and researched a lot on depression and I’ve always been struck with the potential link between the gut micro-biome and mental health. You are what you eat, I adore a coffee and a chocolate croissant in the morning and maybe I’ll never change that, but trying to crowd my diet with better options, more fruit, veg and water does make me feel better. Smoothies are my go too, as are home made fruit lollys in the summer. Homemade food also seems to help rather than the takeaways I normally rely on, I’ve stocked up the freezer in anticipation and am flagging to my support network which foods I want to try and have more of.
6. Remember this is just a point in time
The early days are tough, the average new mum looses 700 hrs of sleep in the first year. It’s physically demanding on your body and it’s hard to find anytime to do anything apart from sleep and shower if you are lucky. However, remember this time will pass and your perspective will most likely change when you have slept 8 hours. The low points will be a distant memory and you will be able to feel like yourself again. Don’t rush the process, just be kind to yourself and patient and know that it will come in time.
7. Set your own realistic goals
Be kind to yourself and set your own standards, mine tend to be quite low in the first few months. Keeping the baby alive is considered a win and having a shower is like a gold medal. We all suffer from comparison and instagram perfection deficit disorder but most mums are facing the same challenges whatever your bank balance or number of followers. Be kind to yourself and others and take it one step at a time, the pre baby body, the perfect kids room etc can all come in time if you want them too, but maybe at the start just getting through the day is enough. Take things one step at a time.
8. Let your partner in, they may be struggling too
By partner I keep the term quite open, meaning the significant other in your life, most often the father but could be whoever is closest to you in your support network, a sister or mother. Those around you may see you struggling, feel your pain or also just be overwhelmed by the demands of a baby, it’s hard to appreciate the battles of others when you are facing heavy ones yourself but be aware they may be finding it hard to cope too. Empathising with others and getting out of your own head to see things from other perspectives can be helpful. The relationship with your partner changes dramatically after having a child, you are parents now and that dynamic can’t be prepared for. Even if you agreed on everything before, the way you each want to bring up your child can cause a host of debates and challenges. Over time you will find a new normal for you both, but it may take some time and even when you feel you’ve got it smooth, potty training or exams or some other crap will come your way, you just have to find a way to keep talking to try and find some common ground if you believe that what you have is worth fighting for.
I hope I am able to follow my own advice and to heed these words in time of need. I’ll let you know! I wish anyone good luck as they embark on this new journey whether for the first time or if you are a seasoned pro, if you have any tips or strategies please share.